Melanie's Sample Coaching Session
Coaching Demo Transcript
Melanie (M): So good to have you on the phone today Jodie! I’m glad that we could make this happen together and, as I said, the way I normally start my coaching sessions is with a short mindfulness exercise that I call a PESH check in. So I’m going to ask you to rate yourself on a scale of say 1-10, whatever you like. How you are feeling currently, right now in this moment in 4 areas? All you need to respond with is a number. This is like a shorthand check in. The first thing is going to be Physical, and then Emotional, and then Spiritually and Hope. And Hope is kind of like optimism.. So let’s start with Physically.
Jodie (J): Ah, is ten the best? Sure. Ok, sure.. Let’s say ten’s the best, I’ve ever felt. I’m doing pretty good Melanie, I’m actually finally getting a coaching session with you that I’ve wanted for so long and I’m in my sauna blanket and I’m at a pretty top notch 8.
Melanie (M): That’s the coolest! Coaching in a Sauna. my favorite! And then Emotionally? How are you emotionally in this moment?
Jodie (J): I’m good, I would say I’m at an 8
Melanie (M): And then Spiritually, whatever that means to you.
Jodie (J): Sure, Im feeling really good with the 8!
Melanie (M): And then Hope, where’s your sense of optimism today?
Jodie (J): It’s good, it’s at an 8
Melanie (M): And then what would be a word to describe where you’re at right now?
Jodie (J): I am super excited. I love it, awesome, ok.
Melanie (M): OK, and I’m excited too because your subject you wrote in about to prep for the session is super fun! Can you recap for me what would make this a successful call? What you want to walk away with with regards to what you wanted to be coached around? How do you want to feel at the end of the session? Anything like that…
Jodie (J): Oh, cool, it’s always fun to visualize the solution before we analyze the problem.
Melanie (M): yes, Exactly
Jodie (J): I would love to feel some more clarity around ways in which I can reach my goals on a daily basis.
Melanie (M): Ok. I’m just taking notes so that I can follow along, I’m a visual thinker, really clearly so we make sure we can attain that and be sure we guide the session so we can attain that for you. So, I heard you say “Feel clarity on how to reach your goals on a daily basis”. So what’s cool is I’m hearing a couple things in that… There’s a consistency that you are looking for, for daily actions that are moving to move you forward. And well first off clarity. If we are not clear what we are moving towards, it’s really hard to take right action in alignment.
Jodie (J): Correct
Melanie (M): And so lets start there. Do you feel really clear on what the goal is?
Jodie (J): I think that…That’s an excellent questions. One of the things Im learning to do is have a daily list… I think Terry Tempest Williams, one of my favorite authors wrote, My to do lists will defend me in the afterlife.” So I’ve let go of the To Do lists… so yes, that was the long answer, the short answer is No!, sometimes I’m not clear on my to do list for the day.
Melanie (M): And then what about… Let’s chunk it. What about the month or the quarter or the year? Where does the clarity come in?
Jodie (J): I guess the clarity comes in at the bigger picture. And let me be really…Let me just hammer away at the clarity word. I feel like I’m not clear on my goals on a daily basis because I have too many goals. And I’m not realistic with the time I have. I have so many passions and so many things I’m trying to do. It just ends up kind of, I think it’s more about the realistic approach. So when we chunk it out… A month gives me a lot more time to accomplish a goal. And a year gives me a lot more time to accomplish a goal. So I often, the longer term goals.. I work better at the longer term. It’s the daily thing that sometimes the hardest if that makes sense.
Melanie (M): Yeah. So tell me the emotion that comes up when you think about moving everything forward on a daily basis.
Jodie (J): I get anxious, anxiety. Adrenaline. Like I get off on being too busy. So some part of me creates too much to do. Yes…
Melanie (M): And I know one of your goals is to write a book. I’m just going to wrap it in right now… in addition to the full time work that you’re doing and raising your awesome kid and other side stuff. What energy do you want to bring to the finished product of a book that’s wildly successful and has a life of it’s own in the world that’s really supportive and that inspires people? What energy do you want to write that with and do you want to bring to that?
Jodie (J): Yeah, Again, I love that, I love that question because I just took an energy leadership index test…
Melanie (M): Uh huh!
Jodie (J): and um, you know, it sort of reminded me of the hierarchy of needs, is it Heigle? where you can be like a survivor and just meeting your basic needs or a leader… and the energy… the book is symbolic of my own commitment to healing and I’m finally able to develop my voice around my life and um, there’s been a couple things that have happened… sorry, did that make sense?
Melanie (M): No! Well… I was just having a moment because I got goosebumps! So I wanted to pause you to just really think about what was coming up for you and just viscerally feel it. So the healing that you are going through sounds like is the energy that you want to bring for others?
Jodie (J): Yeah, It’s definitely shedding my snake skin and then taking that snake skin into the public… cause I’m no longer interested in carrying the shame that I’ve carried with my life, who I’ve been. Instead of carrying that shame Im like laying it down like a quilt or a snake skin, and I’m like ok everyone…. look at how these all these colors, look at this cool pattern or however that unfolds…
Melanie (M): Yeah, and so what’s the energy and the emotion around that when you say “look at these colors, look at these patterns” look at this…
Jodie (J): It’s so empowering for me and it feels so joyful instead of shameful… it’s just really freeing
Melanie (M): So empowering? joyful? freeing?
Jodie (J): Like I can breathe all the way through my diaphragm, down you know.
Melanie (M): Yeah, So I’m hearing that anxious adrenalin when you think about your day or what you want to accomplish doesn’t quite match up with that empowering, joyful, full breath, free feeling.
Jodie (J):(Laughing) Yup. There in lies the paradox Right?! haha
Melanie (M): Well… The good news is you don’t have to do every single thing every single day.
Jodie (J): Right. I believe I’ve heard that before!
Melanie (M): Yeah, it’s not physically possible… but… There is keeping your goals front and center in mind and shaping your days and weeks around at your highest priorities. So what would it look like to carve out time where you get into this feeling state of empowered, joyful, freeing, full breath, really comfortable showing the world, what your process and your learning, like you said, look at these colors, look at this pattern. What would that look like to mindfully create time, let’s say, each week where you’re in that feeling space? And you’re maybe ready and willing to really write, from that space?
Jodie (J): Yeah, it it it, um, it feels great. It feels… I mean, I think what is really interesting about the adrenalin rush or the anxiety is like I have no longer, if this is going to make sense so bear with me Melanie, I don’t feel like I have a choice. I have to articulate this. And I’ve always been a writer, I’ve just never really knew that it was going to be a book that I was going try to take on. So on a day-to-day basis what I think it’s like is being able to share from that really authentic place. Thats where I started with my problem to approach you with, like gosh, how do I reorient my day… I think part of it is just getting up a teeny bit earlier starting my day, having a nice morning routine, having a nice evening routine, remembering to eat. Like I literally yesterday totally didn’t have a chance to get a meal. and by the time I remember to have a meal it was way past the endocrine system like being able to…
Melanie (M): Yup!
Jodie (J): So you know, the check in that you had.. try to implement, am I hungry, am I hangry, am I lonely, am I tired? because, whats happening before… So unfortunately I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so I can go longer, so that’s like, those daily check ins are helping me to come back from a place of just being anxious and being more authentic.
Melanie (M): Yeah! And so, and thats what Im curious about, is that anxiety state that you work yourself into without being mindful, is it useful? That low blood sugar state… Is that useful for quality writing time during the week? Whichever days you choose to do it.
Jodie (J): Well? It certainly, like I love that idea, because you know that part of what I’m writing about is all of my years as a kayaker and just being terrified. Kayaking with the best kayakers in the world and following them around on rivers in Chili or wherever. And like I literally used fear as a compass and it was a super useful tool for me because that’s how Im wired is to be fearful. And I’ve spoken to this recently with one of them and he just wasn’t wired to be fearful and yet we both had our ways and our strategies to get through that day. So I love the idea that it can be a tool. Um, and I think that because, I’m you know, what do they call it peri-menopausal, I think that the hormonal anxiety, that’s something Ive been experiencing fairly recently. I’m learning and somebody said once that you literally, Jamie wheel from the Flow genome project said this in a Facebook live video, and I was fascinated by the idea that you really can’t be full ridden with anxiety and simultaneously curious. And so for me to observe the anxiety and step back from it has allowed me to have a portal into being able to write.
Melanie (M): Yeah!
Jodie (J): from a place of a question and I forgot that it was that simple, so thank you for asking me that question. That’s awesome.
Melanie (M): Right And it sounds like drawing that in and putting yourself in that position to be driven by anxiety and adrenalin has helped you to remember important parts of your story, that are important to convey
Jodie (J): Absolutely! And like Yeah, because I was jacked up on adrenal anxiety for lots of times that I was you know in my 20’s working… there was huge tool, but the trick is at 49 its not as sustainable, and it’s not as healthy, it’s not as easy, you know it’s not as healthy I guess.
Melanie (M): Right, right and what’s your power place? What’s the power place.. so yes and check, it’s been useful for you again to tap into that it sounds like. Now is that how you want to write the entire book? Or write every day and every week of balancing all that you are doing? Is that the motivator that you want?
Jodie (J): No, I think that is something that happens inevitably with all of my passion and desire to do so many things. But what Ive been trying to learn and you’re asking me such great questions so much is you know, just reframing the anxiety, so if it means… My best productive space is what I will call flow. and again… I took a workshop with Steven … from the genome project. And he is one of my favorite writers and we study the neuroscience behind flow or he has studied and shared with us. It’s like meditation and mindfulness… you know there’s lots of ways to access my best self where time isn’t as necessarily as relevant and my inner critic is sort of shut off. And of course for me like surfing is the easiest way to access flow but learning that flow can happen with idea thinking or just writing that email off, there’s just different… the continuum of flow can be a spectrum and that’s been cool to realize, that I can flow with my kiddo on a bike ride and so remembering to access, I would really like to write the majority of my book energetically coming from a place of flow.
Melanie (M): Beautiful OK! so, I know you’re not in a place to take notes but I want you to anchor this piece. No, Ive got notes and… This is my truth. This is what I got, thank you. So where is that in your body? Where is that sense of I own flow. I own that I am writing this book from a place of flow? And Im getting more goosebumps, just saying…
Jodie (J): I love it… So I do a lot of Barre 3 classes, it’s another way to sort of get rid of the cortisol on a daily basis for me and access my heartbeat and regulate it because I want to be high and not because Im all the sudden just high! and we do a power X position, where you sort of stand with your arms outstretched above you and your legs and you stand in a frozen jumping jack and you’re an X. And its really cool, if you have a meeting you’re nervous about, I just go, step into the bathroom and do the Power X for a couple of secs, it’s really helpful.
Melanie (M): It sounds like the Wonder Woman pose! Legs out, arms on your hips, and it gives you a shot of positive hormones and all the sudden you can take on the world! So when you’re having that anxiety about your day or you’re not in the right mode to do your next task or whatever, would that be a tool for you to use? That Power X pose? Like a little ritual?
Jodie (J): Yeah, I’ve never done that, so that’s so awesome, Yes! Thank you!
Melanie (M): So that’s like a technique with anchoring, you’ve already anchored that. You know that’s a short hand way to get into flow. So when you’re about to take on a task, that’s like… “ok I need to step into flow” there’s your anchor.
Jodie (J): I love it
Melanie (M): But I want to make sure too that we look at your original question that is feeling clarity to reach your goals on a daily basis… so what’s unfolded so far for you? As far as what’s the obvious?
Jodie (J): Well you know, just the most beautiful thing about your coaching style is I literally feel like Dorothy when Glenda the good witch is like, “Oh you could have gone home at any time.” The power is with you Jodie!
Melanie (M): You’ve had the power all along my dear!
Jodie (J): Exactly! Oh, I already do this Power X position, like, I already have that clarity! Like, I just kind of forgot to implement it in one of the most crucial times that I need it. You know what I mean? So that’s so funny! Super cool!
Melanie (M): Right! I will say too that sounds like that you wanted to be served by that adrenaline and anxiety to remember a part of your lifetime when fear served you. So to honor that piece, helps you to minimize it too. Like… thank you, thank you, for helping me remember that.
Jodie (J): And I feel like if I’m not a little bit afraid about sharing my story with people then it’s not quite as much of a story as I want it to be. so… The fear and anxiety is definitely a part of how I’m wired. l like the idea of getting comfortable with the uncomfortable a little bit in order to do a hard thing.
Melanie (M): And to do something we’ve never done. We’ve got to get out of our comfort zone to do something we’ve never done. So reframing that… So reframing that anxiety like you said, to where you can step into flow, what is most of that experience? What’s the experience you want someone to have with this book? What’s the healing or the nugget how you can see them transforming their life, with the inspiration from you? What’s the energy you want them to take away?
Jodie (J): I think that that’s a beautiful question, I would love for people to be able to read….The short answer is lke… Wow, if she can tell her story, then I can tell mine. Or however that unblossoms from my, it’s, I guess we’ll call it a memoir at this point. I think there’s a lot of resilience in my life story. And I would love for that resiliency to be inspiring to people. I would like for people to understand that they too have the answers inside of themselves. But because I’m also talking about water and Ocean health and the quality of water on the planet, I really would love the environmental community and actual legislation to change around single use plastic and understanding, like what I would really love for people to get is that we need water for our mental health. We need a quality environment for our mental health, just as much as for our environmental health.
Melanie (M): So what… for you to embody this message, what’s most important for you, in your lifestyle?
Jodie (J): Being mentally healthy…Ha! Um, you know first of all. And exploring the nooks and crannies of what that means. Because I think we have we have this kinda weird idea that mental health doesn’t have it’s dances with depression or anxiety or fear. Just really being authentic with how the human condition is just a really, it’s just an angel dancing on a pin, it’s terrible and it’s lovely… and its just all those paradoxes and I want to hold those paradoxes just really gently up to my audience and help them be able to understand the intimacy of that
Melanie (M): So does that also mean holding yourself gently?
Jodie (J): Absolutely.
Melanie (M): OK, So what does that look like as a daily practice?
Jodie (J): It just means… I, this is such a good one. because it’s something I figured out, like yesterday when I hadn’t eaten… it was just so flipping beautiful in Oregon, you know. We just get these sunny days and it’s like a drug, right? It’s such so insanely distracting for me. And learning to slow down! I was just… Like another parallel that I’m trying to write about in my book.. So I was always a solid class 3, solid class 4 kayaker, but I did paddle class 5. And the way that I’ll describe my energy is I jump on a class 5 creek and instantly my mind is going faster than the river is flowing and I’m like trying to figure out what’s going on and reacting super impulsively. and the only way to paddle class 5 successfully is to slow my little nugget in my brain, in my head, down, and go slower than the river… and so on a daily basis, it’s like just when that anxiety is creeping in about all the stuff Im trying to do… and omg it’s sunny, how can I get a run in? Just taking a step back and going slower to go faster.
Melanie (M): Yes! I love it! I have that sticky note on my computer, it says “Slow down, to Go Fast”.
Jodie (J): Oh, I love that
Melanie (M): And that’s so it. and I used to raft and kayak as well and it was like, that… I’m fully hearing that, like, I wasn’t class 5 but I got thrown into some class 4 rapids and, that anxiety can make you stare at the rock, which is exactly not what you want to do.
Jodie (J): Yeah, totally
Melanie (M): And think about the whole river at once rather than just what you can see to the horizon line, which is all you need to worry about.… so, but I love that, one of the things I was tapping into yesterday as well with that sunshine, is instead of resisting it and saying darn it, “Why isn’t it grey?, I have so much work to do! You know? Is like How can I use it? How can we drop the resistance and utilize that energy? The energy of the river that’s coursing through us and making us more anxious vs you know, how do you turn that and let it feed you?
Jodie (J): Yeah! And that just kind reminds me of my friends out there in the Gorge where you guys are and FOMO and people freak out because they are going to miss good wind, they will drive up and down the gorge looking for good wind.
Melanie (M): Totally!
Jodie (J): I just love to tease my friends but I think it’s really true that we can get in this mode where, ugh, I’m missing something! Im missing out on something because I have to do this. Where I just really.. Im at a point in my life learning that the sun coming through the window, and the way that the paint is on my roof, even though I’m sitting from my computer … is just as precious as if Im on my surfboard in Pacific City . Well thats not true, thats not necessarily authentic but it’s just a way to observe the way, like you’re saying, the way the sun comes in and its so lovely! but… Just trying to appreciate it. Because I can just sit there… like I had to spend the whole weekend in my van doing stuff and I really just wanted to be at the coast you know, I just didn’t feed… I didn’t read the conditions, I didn’t feed the social media of who was out there, I focused on what I had to do and I feel like that’s been really nurturing to me as opposed to feeding the OMG, what’s happening. you know…
Melanie (M): And it feels empowered… It feels like you’re choosing it. You’re choosing to feel empowered and free in your life vs.. you know for me it would be like, I would love to have a powder day every single day. Well, my body not actually up for that… You would be bored silly after a while, because you know, you really enjoy your work too, you experience the full spectrum to experience. Yeah, it would be great to surf every day but you’re going to miss out on other things
Jodie (J): Yeah, Im teaching my son that…. What if we got everything we wanted? We didn’t have to struggle, we didn’t have to fight, we didn’t have to have days where… its like if we lived in southern California I would have cared less about the sun coming in. but it’s just definitely like you need the dark to have the light. I also love what you said about choosing… I’ve chosen to live in my van and Airbnb my home so I can afford things. It’s really important for me to maintain that I’ve chose this attitude vs Im some sort of victim that’s stuck in a van. And like I can go there.. but it’s not a space I want to write from, it’s not a space I want to interconnect with the world from…and it’s not a space that feels good, it feels horrible.
Melanie (M): Right! It’s like #vanlife vs #vandownbytheriver Which one are you going to choose? Victim or Powerful? You know?
Jodie (J): Totally. Remembering that I choose every moment of every day has been a really key tool!
Melanie (M): Perfect! Like you said, it’s like you’ve had the power all along!
Jodie (J): HaHa! It’s so helpful when you when help me, like your line is so helpful, your questions.
Melanie (M): Perfect. Well let’s wrap up this portion, I want to make sure that… we covered a bit, then we covered a bit more. So what do you think are the key takeaways at this point? From what we’ve talked about?
Jodie (J): Ah, I love it. My key takeaways is that mindfulness, to check in with my body, like what you taught me in the beginning of our session. And for me, what I’ve identified in this session is it’s somewhere between anxiety and flow most of my day and how can I reframe the next hour to be closer to flow?
Melanie (M): Ok, and then I heard one of the tools you that you might choose to use is that Power X pose when you want a shorthand way to tap into “flow” or to tap into “empowered”.
Jodie (J): Absolutely!
Melanie (M): And then on a practical level it sounds like making sure … So I look at a week, so this is a little bit of a practical takeaway if you’re interested, if that sounds good to you…
Jodie (J): Absolutely
Melanie (M): Is instead of looking at everything, trying to pack everything into a day and move your goals ahead on a daily basis… is to chunk it down to a week, and think about “what are the three things I need to do this week to move my major goals forward”? And I have a tool that I would love to give you on this that actually works in 90 day chunks and then you break it down into weekly chunks, so it’s not so much pressure to move your goals forward on a daily basis. But to stay in the energy, and the body, like what we’ve talked about. How do I stay in a really healthy space so that I when I do go to take the action I’m taking, I take right action and inspired action and I’ve got it during a time in my week that works for me that I can get into that creative space because I’ve had the bike ride with my kid that week, I’ve gone surfing, I’ve had my Barre classes, I’ve rocked my work life and I show up to this beautiful book that I’m going to inspire the world with, with the energy that I want to convey…
Jodie (J): Ok…
Melanie (M): I don’t know if I explained it well, does that feel right to you, or feel…?
Jodie (J): It’s… I love it. I’m sorry, I wasn’t as enthusiastic with my response because I was thinking about it! I think it’s super helpful to have things be um, like I we discussed in the very beginning of this, the bigger picture feels a lot less suffocating and takes a ton of pressure off. And I love being able to kind of consistently have energy working towards those bigger goals on a day to day basis. I think there’s something about, you know, magically having that manifest on it’s own or at least meet me where my actions are at.
Melanie (M): Right! So if your goal is to be writing three days a week, then it’s fiercely protecting a space and a mindset that gets you to when you do sit down to write, if it’s like early mornings or whenever, that you are ready to flow and excited to show up for that book vs bringing that sense of like I’ve got to be disciplined and Ive got to do it every day and oh my gosh! AH
Jodie (J): Like driving to Salem with a notepad in my passengers seat! Like that’s not really the preferred method, haha…
Melanie (M): Right?! Nope… So bring that class 3/4 flow to it vs than class 5 panic… that I need to think it all through and right now and make sure it happens and… So, yeah, so I will send you a 90 day focusing system where basically it’s having 3 goals per week that’s going to move your larger goals forward. So you are chunking it down to doable measures and then you’re keeping yourself in a space of productivity that takes the pressure off but then also rises/ brings your self care up.
Jodie (J): Yes, that sounds amazing!
Melanie (M): Ok, great. So thats your real practical piece to make sure. And you are actually are working on your goals on a daily basis because you are being mindful of your self care and the practicalities of life
Jodie (J): I get it.
Melanie (M): Ok, good. and let’s see is there anything else you want to remember from our call that felt powerful for you?
Jodie (J): Yeah, the way I feel talking to you! It’s been feeling really, just really flow-y! And I love the meeting of the minds like this! Thank you!
Melanie (M): Yeah, well equally! It’s super fun to be able to coach amazing people who you get that space and you can just shorthand, jump right in and the fact we’ve never gotten to work together before is so cool and to just experience that flow so that’s what I like to mirror is getting you to that space of flow that feels productive and creative and open. Beautiful! Well, I’m excited! Please keep me posted on the next steps and how it goes! Whenever I have a coaching session with someone, I like to say this is like getting a deep tissue massage and you might feel a little out of sorts or a little like um, almost like sore, and like you’ve done some mental gymnastics here. So you want to treat yourself extra well, drink some water and have some lightness around as you’re assimilating the new kind of space that you’re in and recognize that you’ve stepped into a new vibration of yourself. You are stepping into your highest potential, so give yourself some grace around that and expect like, um, just do some extra self care, I was going to say. And, yeah, if you would like to check in, in a week or so, and let me know what has shown up, if there’s any new thoughts, etc. that would be really great too.
Jodie (J): Absolutely, I love that “Higher vibration of myself” That’s awesome… I feel like thats a … sing the body electric!
Melanie (M): Yay! Alright, I’m going to go ahead and stop the recording and I’ll be right back!